When I first arrived in Japan, I expected to feel more connected to my Japanese identity. In some ways, that has happened. Being able to speak Japanese, spend time with family, and live in Japan has made me feel closer to that side of myself than I have in years. At the same time, I wasn't prepared for how differently people would see me.
Back in Oregon, I often felt like people viewed me as Japanese. Here in Japan, most people immediately assume I'm American. Almost no one expects me to speak Japanese, and nearly every conversation starts with the same questions: "How do you know so much Japanese?" or "Where did you learn Japanese?" What was amusing at first eventually became frustrating because I found myself giving the same explanation over and over again.
These experiences have made me think more deeply about what it means to be mixed-race. Growing up in the United States, I was familiar with feeling like I didn't fully fit into either side of my background. When I was around more Asian people, I sometimes felt like I was viewed as the white guy. When I was around more white people, I sometimes felt like I was viewed as the Asian guy. I assumed moving to Japan might change that feeling, but instead I discovered that it exists here too, just in a different way.
At the same time, I've become more confident and proud of my identity. When people ask whether I'm Japanese or American, I still tell them that I'm half Japanese and half white. The difference now is that I feel more comfortable saying it. Instead of feeling like I need to choose one side, I've learned that both sides are equally important parts of who I am.
One of the most significant lessons I've learned in Kyoto is that identity is more complicated than the labels other people put on us. My experience here has helped me embrace being mixed rather than feeling caught between two cultures. I feel more connected to my Japanese identity than ever before, but I've also become aware of how much my American experiences have shaped me. Rather than making me feel less certain about who I am, studying abroad has helped me become more comfortable with all the different parts of my identity.
Charlie Brown, Diverse Ducks Ambassador