Hello! My name is Ruby, and I use the pronouns they/them in English and elle in
Spanish. I wanted to document my experience as an out and proud trans person living
abroad and also someone who uses the emerging pronoun: “elle.” Many Spanish speakers
similarly use the pronoun in the same way many English speakers use “they,” to signify that
one’s gender identity is non-conforming or outside of the binary.
Another reason I wanted to document my experience is that I have been using the
pronouns they/them/theirs exclusively for almost 7 years now, and I still avoid advocating for
myself when I am misgendered, out of a fear that it would create conflict or discomfort. To
advocate for myself in my second language is an even bigger task, but I hope the practice
will carry into my life back home as well.
I chose this program, Mexican Studies and Spanish Immersion in Querétaro,
specifically because I wanted to focus on my language skills while abroad! I am a Spanish
minor, and I’ve been studying Spanish since middle school, yet this is my first time needing
to use Spanish in many different contexts every day. I am studying Spanish not only
because it is a personal interest/goal of mine to learn a second language, but also because
it goes hand in hand with my major, elementary education, which needs more teachers who
can communicate with students and families that speak languages other than
English at home and in their community.
To be perfectly honest, I had planned to do more research about queerness and
transness in Queretaro before I left, but then I connected with my host family and what had
seemed so daunting and unfamiliar became not only manageable, but something I could
even see deepening my connection to my host family. Over WhatsApp, while I was still in
the U.S., my host mom asked me to help her learn how to use elle and assured me that she
would do her best to learn and refer to me as I want to be referred to. I could already feel
her support and her openness to receive me just as I am.
When I got to Querétaro, my family was immediately warm and welcoming, and even
on day one I felt like part of the family. My host mom had taken extra care to teach my host
siblings what she could about the pronoun “elle” and how to conjugate descriptor words to
have a gender neutral ending instead of a masculine or feminine one. My host siblings, who
are 6 and 10, are also very understanding, and we all made jokes conjugating random words
to have the gender neutral ending. Again, I felt at home.
In group settings I am still often referred to as part of “chicas” or “compañeras,” which
is the feminine form, but I really don’t mind much. For me, what matters more is not which
pronouns I use, but rather that the people close to me understand and appreciate me and
my identity. I am so excited and grateful to have this experience and to get to experience life
outside of my comfort zone, with a kind and understanding family to come home to at the
end of each day
